Tuesday, 21 June 2011

the waiting game

It has been two weeks now since I was sent home again, I have seen the prof and he thinks with what's going on the other half of the scs (battery pack controller needs to be removed so the neruos can do what they need too.im still very unsure and not happy about it I have no guarantees that it will be replaced just that it’s a possibility, its totally soul destroying after everything I have had to endure, I have been given a date on  June 28th so I'm running out of time, the phone is constantly glued to my hand in the day trying to reach the right people who will be willing to  help.

But while I'm waiting  on calls being returned I get sicker and the infection that started all this is rearing its head again I have been put  back on tablets which is a bit of a worry as when I was there  I was told they were not strong enough and I had to have ivs. So this could most likely be a downward slope again in my health, I guess its like a ticking bomb just waiting to go off.

I seriously can not handle any more hospital stays in the last 4 yrs I have had more then most people do in a whole lifetime.

I had decided that the implant was going to be the last op the last procedure  I'm finding very hard to get my head back around it wont be.

I can not carry on the way things are at present as there pretty bad with all the neruos signs of something being so wrong but someone has to say enough is enough  I cant live my life from a hospital bed    or saying that stuck in  four walls . Its just  living its not a life .

I have promised my self and the people following here and  twitter that I will  blog at least once a week otherwise what was my point of having a website and blogs  and I would have broken a promise to my closest friend who persuaded me  who died recently

Like he kept saying to me it doesn't matter  how small your voice is if one person hears  reads its not so small anymore.

Its my time to be heard 


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