emotions

Stage 1

Your emotions can often fluctuate when you are in pain, the more you are able to do the better mood you  will feel and like wise with the less you can do your mood will  drop.

Stage 2

When you start experiencing your pain ,you at first are fearful and concerned, you can worry your pain involves something serious or even life threatening and it becomes the main focus in your life but you will  find the more  you worry the worst  it gets.

Then you learn what your pain is and the fear is replaced with hope that the dr sat in front of you can now fix it so life can return back to normal. You  start  to realize after a while that its not getting  fixed and hope starts to fade.

Stage 3

Then you hit the why me stage and look  over what state your life has now become and may find yourself taking your frustration out on family members, drs and generally friends. your life  doesn't feel like your  own anymore and your fighting to gain control over it

Stage 4

You  know feel guilty  over the things you have said to people but instead of saying sorry a lot withdraw so you don’t take any more anger out on your friends and family. You also feel guilty cause you are now physically able to do less then ever and can not keep up the thing you are used to  doing

Stage 5

You are starting to accept and learn to cope which give you a new lease of hope but time after time the pain hits and you  cant make it out of that bed that day. You start  not  to care about your appearance so much and things  don’t seem important anymore .your self esteem hits a all time low fear isolation set back in  and you  start looking into more treatments and  ideas . Which then restarts the cycle of above all over again

  

past few mounths

the past few month's all really seem to blur together started in September 12 with meeting a whole new team of Dr's . even more specialities between them pain specialists neuro surgeons micro biologist ,it al started with a referral to a hospital in solford Manchester ,i have never experienced a hospital like it .the Dr's extremely friendly and very helpful and if your appointment says 10.30 then you are seen at 10.30  unreal hey,i can see why David Cameron has said there the best in the UK and wants all to meet their standards,
everyone i met from nurses to porters are so efficient but also caring nothings too much trouble.
the reason i went there was to try one last time for a spinal cord stimulator  my previous was a total disaster but also was told no one would be able to fit another due to scar tissue in the space they use to put the electrodes,
i can gladly say they were wrong cause my new guys have done what was said to be undo able but it doesn't stop there my body went into over drive to reject it and caused infections ,these guys fought and still are fighting with me all the way so i can keep it, if anybody else needs a pain team they are well worth looking up,you wont regret it they really do go the extra mile and have all the time u need at a appointment to lay fears to rest or the advice you need, i travel quite a way to be able to go there but its so worth it ,
people who know know how many hoops i had to jump through to get my 1st stim and the 3 yrs it took to end up with it having to be removed. within a month of meeting the new team i had the answer yes they would try and Oct 1st they didn't only try they did it ,
i got very sick cpl weeks later and was in hospital for 9 weeks but they fought with everything they had to enable me to keep the implant, i got sick again 2nd week in Feb 2013 again they saved it, very few would have fought as hard as they have for me and along side me .

hard times

those of you that know me know i have just been through the toughest year ,from having a scs then losing it to mrsa in my spine,then having to have more operations on my leg ,its been a uphill struggle and fight which was slowed by depression,my friends are pulling me through it i honestly don't know where i would have been without them,the implant saga was a real mess ,even down to losing my notes and covering certain things which has now all come out in the open its true what they say the truth always comes out in the end, now because it has another Dr has totally stood by me and fought in my corner and on the 1st of October 12 he is going to refit a scs, As some of you know I'm just out of the hospital again but for stomach stuff related to appendix ,
so from my own experience if a Dr has written you off don't stop there theres always a better one, i didn't think there was as the first was at the top of his game and very well known on the pain circuits but ive found just cause s0meone has all the awards and letters after their name it doesn't make them the best, if it wasn't for the person closest to me pushing me i would never have met the Dr i have now and hes gone every xtra mile he has had too to help me there is some good ones out there i personally think its about attitude and how they see a patient whether there just another number on their list or whether there a actual person that needs guidance and help.

the miracle cure

i have wrote quite a bit on different things that can help but thought i have not ever really written about  things that dont and i know everyones different and one thing that dosent help one person may help another, but i am not talking about perscribed medication or alternative therapys ,im talking about the many claims that you can come across while surfing the ones that state over night and pain will be gone or use this product and never feel pain again.
usually if it sounds to good to be true it usually is !

bogus,quack cures the miracle cure usually come in the form of a drug,lotion ,equipment or a suplement some of which are readily availible in everyday health stores,they are pushed on the public by most media outlets and are raedily availible for purchase and usually quite expensieve or a small cost but a course off so adds up to a lot over weeks or mounths.
theres a few pointers to use as a guideline which if followed will usually rule out most

1 stay away from any product promising to cure over night  i can be very easy to fall into there trap as most chronic pains have varied symptons and some of those come and go and change where as if you take the miracle cure you may thing its working but it really is just your illness doing what it usually dose but cause you are more focussed because you have taken the med you may think its working.(till you realise  but by then its usually a expensive mistake)

2 amazing miracle cures,     disabiltating  and extremly complex and painfull conditions  some of these miracle cures will directly use fear tactics and use peoples fear to get them to buy .

3 be very carfeull of the safty of these pills lotions supplements on the internet they most proberly dont have guidelines that they following or are governed  to make sure they are safe  and the ones sold in health stores still dose not mean they are safe to use in the way that has been suggested , research them see if others have used them and the effects thay have had good or  bad.

4 research what there claiming    but also protect yourself the best advise you can get is from a g.p or a pharmacist if the product is that good they are going to know it also if the product is no good and can be dangerous they will know and can guide you .the other thing is if you are already taking meds  to check wether it is safe to use with the and if they are suggesting to come off perscibed meds and just use the product this also should only be done under medical supevison and perferably a dr that has already been treating you , as some of these products claim researched tested by medical personnal or that they are being sold by them a lot claim this and usually they are not drs and have never been tested or aproved by the neassacery channels.

5 be extremly carefull buying meds over the net a lot of these meds in past yrs do not have the right doses and make up they can be mixed when they are made up with all kinds of nastys only buy meds from reptuable places ,

6  last and no ways least if its sounds to good to be true it very usually is use your instint but be wise they may be  acheaper option  you may have got to a stage where you will try anything but buying over the net from magazines and not doing the reasearch talking to a dr or pharmacist your playing with fire and one day it will burn

7 theres many horrer stories around of people that have been ripped off and lost 100s of pounds or dollars ,people that have been made very sick some have died ,some will never be the same again for the few that have been helped theres prob 15 to 1 that is hasnt   not great odds are they
so be wize and think research before  you fall into the trap of the miracle cures

poems

If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you
And share with you it’s beauty
On the days you’re feeling blue.

If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own
A place to find serenity
A place to be alone

If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea
But all these things I’m finding
Are impossible for me.

I cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair
But let me be...what I know best,
A friend that’s always there.

Though this pain doesn't want to go away

It's something we deal with each and every day
It's a battle, Such A Fight
But we must stay strong
There's still A purpose' meaning in your life
Don't forget to hold on tight
You can Encourage others 
To keep up the fight
Remind them that after the darkness 
Comes the light
And with Hope and Faith We can still shine Bright
There's still Family and Friends 
If you know or not
So keep on Fighting and
Remember after the Darkness Still
Comes The Light Suffer As I do, I don't Understand
But' I know in my heart God has a plan
For he made me who I am
And all the pain I Endure I Pray He Saves
Me' My Family And All of my friends
and forgives us All of Our Sins
He has changed me to Love and Understand
with all of my prayers I know He has A Plan'
For He suffered on the Cross for all of our Sins
So I know there's A reason for everything in the End
Suffer As I Do' I may not understand
But I just keep holding on tight
Say A Prayer every night
cause I know in my Heart
God has A Plan 
He helps Me Fight
He helps Me withstand
I believe in My Heart He has A Plan
Though I Don't Understand
I know there's A Reason for it all in the End

keep on fighting

planet morphine

i had cpl things to post up tonight but planet morphine has crept up on me,but prob the best place to be tonight ,bored stupid by the budget and the muppets that keep messing around with peoples lives,they ought to try for 6mths to live on a minimum wage or a pension,then they wonder why so many elder or disabled people die every winter  doh dosent take much working out dose it.
people in the uk need to stand up and be heard cause soon we will loose everything that made the uk one of the biggest the nhs the sad thing is people actually gave thier lives in the begiing treating people incurable diseases and no protection for themselfs a cpl of the london hospitals still have thier portraits hanging on thier walls i wonder what they would think now and what they would say.
im going to shut up and be spaced out for next few hours but one good thing i wont care what the muppets are saying on my tv